The Terrible Tone Challenge

The Terrible Tone Challenge
By PT


What is the most awful guitar sound you have ever produced?

Maybe you plugged into an unfamiliar piece of gear. Maybe a child or non-musical loved one randomly twisted the knobs on your amp. Or, maybe you just pushed the Distortion button on your 1980s Peavey Rage.

Whatever the case, imagine that terrible tone now. Feel the way it offended your ears. Really try to hear it.

Could you reproduce that sound? Or create one even more hideous?

I come before you this day with a challenge, dear Fifth Fret readers. I challenge you to create your worst possible tone and record it. Enough with the great tone already! My ears are up for something truly awful.

I intend to come back to this space next week with a recording of the worst tone I can muster. I have no idea what it will be just yet, but I do know it will be putrid.

If you would like to participate in the Terrible Tone Challenge, email me a sound clip at pt(at)sixstringbliss.com. Next Friday, I will post my clip along with any submissions I receive. They won’t be pretty, but they will have the ‘can’t-look-away’ awesomeness of a bad tattoo or ‘People at some Big-Box Store’ website.

Who is up for the challenge? At the very least, it will give your friends and family a new appreciation for your usual carefully crafted tone.

PT is the co-host of the guitar talk podcast Six-String Bliss. He also writes fiction and has been known to throw a little disc golf. He lives in the birthplace of country music.

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The Guitar Room

The Guitar Room
By Pappy

I rent a house that's pretty awful.  Horribly energy-inefficient, surrounded by questionable characters (just last week a gentleman died about 50 yards from where I sit right now), run by some of the biggest cash-grabbing opportunists, and featuring a space that doesn't really function all that well, it's a unique house in the amount of pain it gives me.

But like always I think "how long can we possibly live here?" and every day that period gets a little longer (obviously) but that just means the end is even closer, right?!

The odd space in the house is supposed to be a dining room or a den.  But the living room is so big that a table fits in well so, while it may not be a "formal" dining room, I don't think it's much of a loss because "formal" just means "rarely used."  So we let the kids have it.  We wanted to keep them out of their rooms so we could keep an eye on them or hear them if anything happened, and, as a result, the room was destroyed all the time.  Every time we tried to clean it, it was wrecked again within MINUTES of the kids waking up.

The room looked like a bomb went off in it.  A toy bomb.  Awful.  I know you're thinking "how bad can it really be?"  Well, friend, I will SHOW you further down.  Just wait.

We also have a spare bedroom that my wife and I used as an office.  And then she started to also use it as storage.  And then she started taking over more and more of it, constantly complaining about how much space my guitars and amps take up.  Fed up, I said fine, I'm taking over the toy room.

I grabbed trash bags, opened up the car doors and loaded up all sorts of stuff for Good Will.  Then I cleaned it up and began to transform it into an area for me - JUST for me.  I don't want to sound like I didn't want to share or anything, but I felt like, since I have the space, I might as well make it a pleasing part of the house instead of a wasted area where there was nothing but a depressing mess.

I moved my bookshelves, amp, put up some String Swings, reclaimed a very comfortable and versatile couch that is generally unloved by my other family members, and settled in.  There were some requests to use it as storage as well ("Can we store some bikes in here?"  "No, we cannot.") and I did end up with a huge rocking chair because it just couldn't go anywhere else, but generally, it's a very nice space.  I feel good in it.

There are trade-offs.  HUGE trade-offs.  Where I have tons of great light and lots of space, I can't plug in my guitars without headphones when the kids are asleep, which is generally the only time I can plug in anyway.

I also don't have a desk or chair anymore.  I sit on a footstool and use an end-table as a desk.  That's lame sauce!

I'm also right next to the kitchen with its noisy appliances, and that is next to the living room where my apparently-deaf wife watches TV.  The weirdest part about the human ear is that it hears LESS when what it's trying to hear is something you WANT to hear, but when it's something you DON'T want to hear, the volume of a pin dropping is just loud enough for you to say "Jeez!  Do you have to have it up so loud?!"

But still, how badly can I complain when I have this great-looking space?

OK, so let's get into the pictures!

All done!  I like it!

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The Big Reveal

The Big Reveal

By Pappy

US soap opera One Life to Live recently aired its last episode ever.  It's a show that has been on forever (I think, if there was a creation, God must have taken breaks during the days to watch His "stories") and in a "clever" twist, the finale was wrapped up with fair endings for almost all of the characters and delivered in narrated form by one of the shows villains as a screen play.  She is reading the screenplay to a bound hostage, tied to a hotel room bed.

Apparently every One Life to Live Fan had a pretty good idea that the person tied to the bed (who remained unseen until the last few seconds) was Victor Lord, who had recently died.  

We knew it was coming, but the show still wanted to do the full reveal and try to show people who have grown pretty accustomed to shocks over the last few decades that the show has been on.  The reveal itself wasn't spectacular and I really don't think the finale was better off for the reveal itself, more for the information that Victor is alive after all.

See, it's really the INFORMATION that the fans appreciate, not the reveal.  

Guitar companies can stand to pay attention to this factoid.  

Recently there was a bit of a hubbub as photos of guitars from companies were "leaked" out to stores and the press and these people posted the information on the Internet, perhaps in a premature gesture because it took the shock and surprise out of the reveal at NAMM.

But I say "Come on.  We had a pretty good idea what was coming."  Indeed, the only thing I've seen so far (having written this BEFORE NAMM) is that Parker is coming out with a seven string, which is sure to please the masses of metal heads to have been begging for one on several forums.  I would have liked to see a Ken Parker seven string Fly because I wonder what he would have done with it, but that's neither here nor there.

Guitar companies rarely come out with anything surprising.  Why should they?  Guitar companies want to make the most money possible, that means listening to the biggest group of people and saying yes, the world could stand a few more variations of the Telecaster, or another Jem, or this or that.  They want to make what sells because that's business.  There may be art at the core, but this is more like the galleries that want to sell the art than the starving individual in the corner who just wants to create it and see it enjoyed.

So I say so what if your pictures were leaked on the Internet?  What did you think was going to happen differently if the lid had stayed on that information and you were able to do that big reveal in those last few seconds?  Do you think more people would buy the guitars or amps because you teased them into a froth?  I doubt it.

But the information is out, and I believe that the information is all anyone REALLY wants and the leaks actually beat the inevitable flood of information that comes with bloggers and journalists trying to document everything that they see, so it isn't all bad.  I know I get so flooded with NAMM stuff from other blogs that eventually I stop caring (possibly even stop looking at NAMM posts) so I would take the leaks as a bit of a blessing.  

Perhaps if the reveal of Victor Lord had happened earlier in the episode we could have found out how the hell he's still alive...

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Blues with Brains Review

Blues with Brains Review
By PT


For many guitarists, learning the pentatonic scale was an early milestone in our guitar playing journeys. They were five little notes that opened the door to a much larger world. I’ll never forget the guitar high I got the first time I grabbed the G-string and bent the heck of out of it while playing over a 12-bar blues progression. Now that was guitar playing! Watch out world; PT is armed with the blues box!

But as Uncle Ben taught us, with great power comes great responsibility. The pentatonic scale is an alluring master, eager to pull well-meaning guitar players into the jaws of tired, clichéd soloing.

Below is a conversation I had with the cool kid who first showed me the pentatonic scale when I was an impressionable sophomore in high school. Note: This was nearly twenty years ago, so it is possible (though highly unlikely) that this may not be the conversation verbatim.

PT: Wait a minute. So you are saying I can use this to solo over anything?

Cool Kid (Les Paul in hand): Yep.

PT: So if the song is in the key of A, I just play any note in this scale on fifth fret?

Cool Kid: Yep.

PT (his mind officially blown): So this is pretty much the secret to being a good guitar player?

Cool Kid (a man of few words who prefers to let his pentatonic scales do the talking): Yep.

It took years of awful guitar soloing for me to realize the inaccuracy of Cool Kid’s statements.

If, like me, you find yourself easily thrown by odd chord changes and unsure why sometimes your trusty old pentatonic licks don’t sound quite right, allow me to introduce your new best friend: 'The Blues With Brains' series by Chuck D’Aloia.

Mr. D’Aloia is a tasteful player with a glorious tone and oddles of style. He teaches in a casual, laid back manner, but don’t be fooled. There is a plethora of information in these lessons. 'Blues With Brain Part 1' is about an hour and fifteen minutes long. I have gone through that lesson at least five times, and I’ve picked up plenty of nuances on each viewing.

Chuck starts with the basic pentatonic scale over a both a major and minor blues progression in the first lesson. He demonstrates how making fairly minor changes to the way you approach a blues solo can have dramatic results. And that is just the beginning.

I can’t say enough good things about this series. It has me excited about blues in a way I haven’t been in a long time. I am considering tracking down my old buddy Cool Kid and buying him a copy.

Mr. D’Aloia has priced these lessons quite reasonably: $20 for any one lesson, the complete six-part 'Blues With Brains' series for $50, or the 'Blues With Brains' series plus four additional advanced lessons for $100. And I think it’s fair to say that these lessons will have a far greater impact on your playing and sound than that $100 pedal you’ve been eyeing.

The lessons presume a basic knowledge of pentatonic scales in various positions, so you may want to brush up on those if it’s been a while since your last blues solo.

To learn more, hear Chuck’s music and get a free lesson, check out http://chuckdaloiamusic.com/id2.html

PT is the co-host of the guitar talk podcast Six-String Bliss. He also writes fiction and has been known to throw a little disc golf. He lives in the birthplace of country music.


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Brad Paisley Diary of a Player

Brad Paisley's Diary of a Player Review
By Pappy

I think I may have a skewed idea of who Brad Paisley is.  See, in my mind, Brad Paisley is like us.  If he wasn't out right now selling millions and millions of records, touring to sold-out stadiums, getting fawned over by seas of groupies and delivering the tonal goodness to millions of people, he may be right where I'm at: sitting behind a computer.  He seems to be the kind of guy that would either be reading or, more likely, writing a blog of his own, expressing his love of the instrument.  He seems to be filled with the same enthusiasm that Jon from Guitar Noize is, or I am (Jon's a much better player than I am though).

My point is, I identified with Brad Paisley (certainly) not because of his playing ability, but because of his obvious love of the guitar.  I think that this isn't uncommon.  I think this is what makes Paisley a lovable hero to all sorts of guitar players, regardless of their musical tastes or preferences.  Brad Paisley is a guitar player's guitar player.  He may have become famous for his clever lyrics and crowd-pleasing songs, but it's obvious that the guitar and his playing is the real star.  I mean, he released an album of almost all instrumentals, what else would any guitar player need to know that this guy speaks the truth and the guitar isn't merely a hanging decoration for the singer to look cool with.  He's the genuine article.

And his book was really promising.  It's called Diary of a Player, features a cover picture of him standing there, looking almost oblivious to the amount of people that are going to be reading this - just one of the many guitar players out there that just so happens to have a camera pointed in his direction at this very moment.  I was both excited and a little scared at the prospect of this book.

"Oh, hey!  Didn't see you there!  You just caught me walking by, perfectly lit holding my awesome guitar.  Yeah, you can take a picture of you want."

Let me say, I would have read this book anyway as Paisley's a hero of mine, but I was a little disappointed in Keith Richards' book because, while it mentioned the guitar, it wasn't as in the guitar weeds as I would have liked.  I suspect this is because he wanted to appeal to the widest base possible, but I also have to question this thought.  You're Keith Richards and you may be known for some great things done in your life, but most of them come with you holding a guitar in front of you.  If Mick Jagger released a book, I would expect mass appeal, but you're a guitarist for crying out loud.  Tons of people want to know your tricks and hear your guitar stories.

Brad Paisley's book is similar to Richards.  There are a lot of great stories, but any detailed guitar stuff is presented humbly, in minor detail and almost with an apologetic feel.  Like Paisley was saying "look, I know you want to hear all these great stories, but I AM a guitarist and this little bit of information is kind of important, so let's just get through it and I promise, we'll be back to the entertainment that everyone can enjoy."

So yes, I was a little bummed that the book wasn't a gear diary, but at least most of the stories orbit the guitar as if it's some holy strung sun.  He told great stories about his grandfather getting him his first guitar and his grandfather said that you'll never be lonely if you play guitar.  He meant the guitar will keep you company.  What I think is funny about this statement is that you'll always hear great guitarists say they would lock themselves in their room and practice for hours.  Yes, the guitar will definitely keep you company, but sometimes it will be the only thing keeping you company.

Just the way we guitarists like it.

Sometimes.

You get the feeling that the book is written by a guitar player and the guitar is basically the reason that all these adventures are happening to him, but you also know from reading it for just a few pages that he has a deep, deep love for music in general and the people that have inspired and played with him.  Not only does he display a love for these people but he wants YOU to love them too and provides pretty amazing overviews of their lives and careers and I found myself inspired to look deeper into these other guitarists' catalogs or histories.

I'll tell you one of the cooler things about this book: Paisley really goes into just how freaking AWESOME it is to be him.  I don't blame him one bit, either.  He's worked his entire life to get to this point and if I were in his shoes I wouldn't hold myself back too much when I talk about how, thanks to my hard work and diligence, I got to not only meet my guitar heroes, not only play with my guitar heroes, but RECORD with them.  I won't lie, I would probably be tripping over myself if I had the opportunity to play with Paisley, Heath, Setzer, or Cheney, even if they took the entire time to do nothing more than OWN me with their own fabulous playing.  I would emerge from the recording sessions, holding a disc as if it were a new infant telling strangers on the street "I just played with Brad Paisley!  He was fantastic and dominated me every second of it, but I played with him!  I have the evidence right here in my hand!"

This wouldn't be me showing off, this would be me geeking out on fulfilling a DREAM.  You always hear stories about your heroes, you may see them at shows, possibly even meet them and get a picture or autograph, but they're still far away in a way.  You have this thing in common, but you know, deep inside, that you'll more than likely never share it with them regardless of how much you want to.  You know it because you're realistic.  You play guitar in your bedroom or living room.  Perhaps you play at Starbucks or at dives.  Perhaps you're doing your own regional tours.  But you know that you and your heroes are still worlds apart.

Now imagine, even if you KNOW it's impossible, or at least highly improbable, it happened.  Tell me you wouldn't geek out the same way!

So the book documents Paisley's growth and development both as a guitar player that was unpopular with his peers, then being popular among his peers when Garth Brooks became popular and brought country music to the masses who didn't listen to country music, then his stint at college, his first writing jobs, the first time singing for a boss and then pretty great documentation of his career.  He said that he was never interested in making a big splash, but instead slowly climb the charts and become a musician with staying power, not a flash in the pan.  I would definitely say he succeeded.

I love Brad Paisley.  He's the reason I bought a Telecaster.  He's the reason I listen to the country that I do.  I admire and respect his dedication to the guitar in a world and age where playing the guitar is treated more as a filler in the background for your twangy, drawl-tastic vocals to go over which is what you see from a lot of other country artists.  I would have read this book regardless of the content.  Fortunately for me though, it's a really entertaining book.  It's filled with great stories that are heartfelt and that I sympathized with.  Brad Paisley is probably one of the most down-to-earth celebrities and that feeling is a theme in the book.  It's easy to identify with him as he's practicing.  It's easy to live vicariously through his stories of playing, of meeting his heroes, of recording, becoming a star, and touring the world. It's also easy to identify and picture losing everything in the Nashville flood and loved ones along the way.  You care about the people in this book as if they were your friends and family.  That's a powerful book.

Do I recommend it?  You bet.  Not only is it an entertaining read about everything that most us guitarists dream about whenever we have free time, written by a guitarist that is no-kidding a REAL guitarist and told to you in a down-to-earth manner that might be written by the guy down the block, but reading is good for your brain.  And this will give you even more detail for your rock star fantasies.

My caveat: I would recommend buying a physical copy of this book, not the electronic version, or at least not for the Amazon Kindle.  There were things missing on my Kindle that I saw when reading on my iPhone, and I'm pretty sure that there are pictures in the real book that aren't in either.

Check it out, folks.  It may not have been as gear-heavy as I would have liked, but my love for incredible gear detail may have made for a REALLY boring book for you.  As it is, this will entertain almost all of you, I'm sure of it.

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